rude old age quotes
You know you are old when you stop growing at both ends and start growing in the middle.
You know you are old when you can cough, fart, sneeze and pee at the same time.
You know you are old when you got to second base with a TSA screener.
You know you are old when the only females who pursue you are mosquitoes.
You know you are old when you are too old to learn new tricks but your old tricks work just as well.
While for some old age is synonymous with dread and foreboding, for some it is merely a number. The latter choose to look at old age as just another phase. Quite a few of them have some hilarious things to say about getting old and old age. We’ve picked the choicest sayings about old age here. Have fun reading them and pass them on to someone who you think might need them.
You know you are 50 when you knew when the Dead Sea was only sick.
You know you are old when you go to the beach and turn a wonderful color: Blue. It’s from holding your stomach in.
You know you are old when people tell you how good you look.
You know you are old when almost everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
You know you are old when the candles cost more than the cake.
You know you are old when you tell people you are retro.
There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it.
– Patrick Moore
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m labeled senile.
– George Burns
Age mellows some people; others it makes rotten.
Middle age ends and senescence begins, the day your descendant’s outnumber your friends.
– Ogden Nash
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
– Lucille Ball
I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know?
– Barry Cryer
You know you are old when you hear your favorite songs in an elevator.
You know you are old when you’re told to slow down by your doctor and not the police.
You know you are old rude and age when you eat supper at 5 p.m.
You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
– John Mendoza
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t.
– Carrie Fisher
As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
– Robert Quillen
People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it’s more about the state of your body. – Geoffrey Parfitt
You know you are old, rude and age when you have a hard time locating the keys in your pocket and finding your cell phone when it rings, but you can find the snooze button from four feet away with your eyes closed.
You know you are old when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling when your birthday candles are lit.
Your old age and rude when
You know you are old when you write a note to yourself reminding you not to take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You know you are old age when your staying power is for the cake.
For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.
– Richard J. Needham
I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.
– Nancy Astor
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’
– Claude Pepper
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
– Tom Stoppard
You know you’re getting old when everything hurt. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
– Hy Gardner
I can’t wait to tell my kids I was born before the Internet.
Respect old people. They graduated school without Google or Wikipedia.
In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order.
– Robert Brault
You Know You Are Old age When
You know you are old when kidnappers aren’t very interested in you.
You know you are old when people no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” – Tom Wilson
- “No man is ever old enough to know better.” – Holbrook Jackson
- “I am old enough to see how little I have done in so much time, and how much I have to do in so little.” – Sheila Kaye-Smith
- “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
- “Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” – Jim Fiebig
- “Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.” – John Wagner
- “Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.” – John Wagner
- “I don’t do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast.” – Anonymous
- “First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” – Leo Rosenberg
- “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom
- “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
- “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” – Anonymous
- “Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.” – Anonymous
- “Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
- “The idea is to die young as late as possible.” – Ashley Montagu
- “A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” – John Barrymore
- “None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.” – Henry David Thoreau
- And finally, if you will permit, one of my own quotations: “You know you’re getting old when all the celebrities you once fancied as a teenager start dropping dead.” – Myself
You Know You Are Old and Rude when
You know you are old when there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
You know you are old when you are too old to care.
You know you are 100 years old when you see expensive antiques and you remember one just like it that you threw away.